I am so excited about today’s guest post. I heard about Nicholeen Peck and Teaching Self Government about a year ago when a friend invited me to a parenting seminar that Nicholeen was teaching. I said no thanks: things were going well in our home; I didn’t want to spend the money; I didn’t have time… all the standard excuses. Over the course of the next several months I watched as my friend began to apply Self Government principles in her home and I began to kick myself for not attending the seminar with her.

Lucky for me, my friend was generous and loaned me a CD of Nicholeen talking about how to create a self-governing family. As I listened, I was both impressed with her calm and loving parenting style and inspired by the things she taught. As Walt and I have applied these principles in our home, our family is closer, there is less arguing and things run more smoothly. I hope you will enjoy learning some of the same things:

Nicholeen Peck: Teaching Self Government

Parenting is by far the hardest sport there is.  Yes, it’s a sport.  You run after them, play 52 thing pick up night at day, invent games, have to use ‘mind over matter’ philosophy, set goals, not get discouraged, train every day, rise early, have patience, and try again and again to get it right.  If that is not just like training for any other Olympic sport, I don’t know what is.

If you have ever played sports, you will also know that until you master the fundamentals, you don’t master the game or event.  It’s those fundamentals that every aspiring athlete gets bored of, but that every expert knows makes all the difference.

Fundamentals of parenting are no different.  Some of the moments which make the most difference in our parenting success and happiness are no more than skills practice time, and can seem pointless.

So what are the fundamentals of parenting? 

1. Know how to stay calm.
2.  Know how to teach children a new skill
3.  Know how to effectively correct a child when he has done or is doing wrong.
4.  Know how to calm a child who is out of control.
5.  Know what skills are essential for making a child into a happy adult
6.  Know about boundaries and how to teach children about them
7.  Know what your parenting vision is and how to get it
8.  Know what your child is thinking and feeling
9.  Know how to communicate effectively
10. Know how to keep the family united in purpose and feeling

These fundamentals are discussed in great detail in my book, Parenting A House United, so I will not attempt to explain them all here.  However I will share with you a few of my thoughts on staying calm and effectively correcting children in this video: (Please forgive the synchronization problem.)

In this video I talk about a few skills: accepting no answers and disagreeing appropriately.  I also briefly demonstrate the appropriate way to correct a child who has made a wrong choice.  When I did foster care for troubled teens I learned about Four Basic Skills for a happy life.

1.  Following Instructions
2. Accepting No Answers and Criticism
3.  Accepting Consequences
4.  Disagreeing Appropriately  

Ninety-nine percent of all discipline problems can be solved by learning these four basic skills.  Most people who have failed relationships or end up in prison can’t do at least one of these things.  These are essential life skills which are worth teaching and referring to often.  For a free copy of the steps to these four basic skills and steps to correcting problem behaviors go here.

For articles on how to use these skills and set up a family culture to prepare children to govern themselves, including how to hold effective family meetings, and answers to commonly asked parenting questions you may want to visit TeachingSelfGovernment.com

Nicholeen Peck is a mother of four and previous foster parent of many troubled teens .  She spends her free time helping families learn the principles of self-government, and happiness.  She was featured in a one hour documentary by the BBC called The World’s Strictest Parents , writes for many magazines and blogs and teaches all over the world about calm, effective parenting.

Buy Nicholeen’s book here:

ETA 8/20/2011: Also now available on amazon.